Category: Miscellaneous

Skills worth having, part two

In my last blog post I wrote about Skills worth having and listed six: touch typing, spelling, writing an essay or report, giving a short talk, basic DIY skills, learning from mistakes. (You can find that post here: https://occasionallywise.com/2024/02/23/skills-worth-having/)

While writing that post, I realised I’d made notes on more ‘skills worth having’. So, here goes with another three.

Being a good driver/rider

I was near the end of my advanced motorcycle test. It was an ‘advanced’ test because this was a test to a standard beyond the normal government requirement. I wanted to be the best motorcyclist I could be, so I read up on advanced motorcycling and applied to the body who administered the advanced test.

Keith was appointed as my examiner. He was a brilliant motorcyclist, a police Class A rider who escorted royalty and trained new police motorcyclists. He explained the route we’d follow, and that he’d ride close behind to watch my use of brakes, clutch, mirrors, line through bends and, of course, my speed.

All went well, and we were on the final stretch. Ahead I saw traffic lights. They were green, so I accelerated. Then green changed to amber (yellow), about to show red. The Highway Code said amber meant stop, providing you could do so safely. My near instantaneous thoughts were: ‘I should stop’ then ‘I’m on a test, I have to stop!’ So I did. Except Keith couldn’t.

He’d assumed I would keep going, and was still accelerating when I braked. His bike hit mine just inches from my ankle. Both of us crashed to the ground, bikes on their sides spinning beside us. Slowly, not sure if I was hurt, I stood up. Keith did the same, asking “Are you okay?”  Still checking my body for injuries, I answered that I seemed to be all right. Keith said, “That was my fault – I’ll just pass you for the test”. Instantly the accident was forgotten. My bike was buckled and broken, but I’d passed the test! And, oddly, Keith and I became great friends, and went on to set up an organisation to train others in advanced motorcycling skills. Well over 100 bikers joined because they realised they needed better skills than they had already.

Needing better skills sums up why I took that advanced motorcycling test. Motorbike riding has become more dangerous because modern-day traffic is not friendly to bikers. On a five mile ride to my office, on average I was forced to take avoiding action at least once every day, almost always because a car driver did not recognise my existence as a road user. Surviving on today’s roads needed all the skills I could get. Others were experiencing the same. A typical story from those who joined our advanced motorcycling group was: “I rode bikes in my late teens and early twenties, but then moved to cars. Now I’m in my 50s I’ve bought a motorbike again for fun. But the bikes are much more powerful now, and the roads much more risky. I need help to ride safely.”

A few years earlier I’d realised it was not only motorcycling skills that I needed to improve. I caused a minor car accident which motivated me to do advanced driver training. Here’s how I described that in an earlier blog post:

I became an Advanced Driver and later an Advanced Motorcyclist, in each case passing a police-observed test of driving skills well beyond those needed for the government-run test. What motivated me to train and do those tests? It began with a stupid accident. My car was behind another car waiting to turn right. As traffic cleared the one in front moved off. I followed, accelerating through the junction. But the car just ahead of me braked sharply when a pedestrian stepped into the road. I was accelerating from behind, and I crashed into the rear of the car. My speed was still low – no-one was hurt – and the damage was only what my American friends would call a ‘fender bender’. But the accident was clearly my fault. I should have been paying more attention to what was ahead, and keeping further back from the vehicle in front. I was so annoyed with myself I signed up for training as an advanced driver, passed the test, and I’ve never had an accident since. I really wanted to become the best driver I could be.

‘To be the best or the very best?’ https://occasionallywise.com/2021/08/15/to-be-the-best-or-the-very-best/

Driving a car or riding a motorbike can be dangerous, and can also be thrilling. For both those reasons, it became important to me to become skilled at driving and riding – to be the best I could be. (Advanced Driver and Rider tests are administered in the UK by IAM RoadSmart – https://www.iamroadsmart.com/)

Swimming

I grew up in a small town where the nearest to swimming facilities was either the toddlers’ paddling pool in the park, or the broad and deep river that flowed past our home. Neither offered realistic chances to learn to swim. But I wouldn’t let those challenges stop me.

During my youngest years, my aunt Milla lived in Aberdeen, a city on the north east coast of Scotland. That meant budget holidays for our family. Her flat, two floors up in a tenement, was very modest. It consisted only of a kitchen/living room, bedroom, and a toilet, enough for a single person but overcrowded with my parents, brother and me. But we squeezed in, and made sure we went out every day, no matter the weather. And every day included trips to the beach or one of Aberdeen’s two swimming pools. The sun did little to warm up the sea, nor did the swimming pool beside the shore heat its water. Swimming in either was a bracing experience. But the sea and the pool were ideal places to learn to swim because both had salt water. Since salt water is more buoyant than fresh water, I didn’t drown despite my feeble early attempts at swimming.

In any case, my Dad made sure I would not sink. He couldn’t swim, but was determined that his two sons would be good swimmers. He’d say: “Let’s try the breast stroke today, and you won’t drown because I’ll always have one hand underneath you”. When my uncoordinated stroke failed, there was his hand underneath to support. Eventually my thrashing around turned into a useful breast stroke, back stroke, and front crawl, none of which needed his help. I’d learned to swim.

My older brother Alan and I kept swimming as we moved through our teens. Our home town of Cupar, Fife, had no swimming pool, but we’d catch the Saturday morning train to Dundee for no reason other than to swim in the pool there. Neither of us became super-competent, but we could swim length after length without difficulty. We were good enough to be able to save our lives if we ever fell into water.

Safety is one of the reasons Alison and I agreed that swimming was a skill we wanted each of our four children to have. Therefore, for many years they belonged to swimming clubs and became much more skilled than we ever were.

Swimming can save your life, or make it possible for you to save someone else’s life. It’s been a life skill I’ve always been glad to have.

Playing a musical instrument

Swimming was the most important skill we wanted all our children to have, but understanding music and being able to play music mattered too. Over time they all learned an instrument, resulting in a quartet of keyboard, flute, trumpet and violin. Outside the home they never gave concert performances, but they learned to appreciate music, and that lifelong skill and pleasure was worth all the effort.

When I was growing up, there was a piano in our home which my mother could play, but hardly ever did. For no reason I can recall, when I was aged about 9 I begged my parents to allow me to take violin lessons. What may have helped was that lessons took place in a basement gymnasium of the school, an area rumoured to have been dungeons during the building’s ancient history as a castle. There was certainly a strange atmosphere about the place. That atmosphere didn’t inspire great music from me, but I did okay and played in annual concerts in Cupar and nearby villages. For me, the hardest part of violin playing was the rapid fingering movements needed when playing Scottish jigs. I simply could not get my fingers to move as fast as the conductor’s baton. But, I got better by the time I attended my senior school. I joined the high school orchestra and played in concerts before fairly large audiences. Those were important learning experiences which may have helped me later in life when speaking before sizeable crowds.

One of the odd lessons I learned from being in orchestras was how to focus on two things at once. I had to concentrate hard on reading the music and yet also see how the conductor was directing us with his baton. I’m not sure that qualifies as multi-tasking, but it encouraged me that I could read music, play the fiddle, and keep an eye on the conductor, all at the same time.

The skill of playing a musical instrument has several benefits in addition to those already mentioned. It can be a life-long activity; there is friendship with fellow players; public performances develop nerve and provide affirmation; and it is always an impressive entry to include on a résumé or CV!

My life has been enriched by each of the skills described here. I’ve enjoyed driving well. I’ve felt safe because I can swim strongly. And, though my violin has long-since been passed down the generations of my family, I’ve never lost my appreciation of music.

Next time, the final collection of skills worth having…

Skills worth having

Over a period of about eight months, I learned a skill which has been a great asset ever since. I was just 17 and studying journalism, which included a course on shorthand and typing. For those two subjects, I was added to a class of about 20 young ladies, each destined to become medical secretaries. I never learned much about those young ladies (I didn’t date or marry any of them). But I did learn how to touch type. I’ll explain touch typing in a moment, because that skill has made everything about my work and studies more efficient and enjoyable ever since I was 17.

This blog post is about skills which are well worth having. Some will seem important; others perhaps more trivial. But, as I see it, any skill that significantly improves the quality and usefulness of our lives is worth having. You may want to master the skills I’ve learned, or become expert in other things. Learning any skill is a good thing (well, not pickpocketing!). All skills require work, but effort now reaps huge dividends later.

Here we go.

Touch typing  The young ladies learning shorthand and typing alongside me would later become medical secretaries. Their work would include making notes in a hospital or surgery meeting, or taking down details from a doctor about a patient. Then the secretary would transcribe her notes into a formal minute, letter or report by typing them out. That second stage is when touch typing skills mattered. An untrained secretary might place her notepad alongside the typewriter, then swivel her head from notes to keyboard, back to the notes and then to the typewriter, over and over again. For two reasons that would be unwise: a) she might get a strained neck; b) the back and forth method is an easy way to miss words, or even restart from the wrong line. Thankfully any of the medical secretaries I studied with would do something different. She’d still lay her notes beside the typewriter, but then look only at her notes while simultaneously typing what she was reading. There would be no head swivelling, and no looking at the typewriter keyboard, just reading the notes while typing perfectly. That’s touch typing. It’s what I learned to do too.

Here’s how touch typing works. First you put your index fingers on the home keys. What are they? If you look at your keyboard, it’s 99 per cent certain you’ll find a raised dot or line on the f and j keys. Those are the home keys, and the tiny marks are to guide your index fingers to them. Your other fingers fall into place on adjacent keys. From there, your fingers can stretch out to every key on the keyboard, even the numbers.

These days there are online exercises and games to train you to touch type, but I would encourage you to concentrate on drills. It’s mundane but it works. So, back when I was 17, I’d look at my tutorial book, and type the letters printed there. Lesson one began with just fjfjfjfjfj… over and over again. Lesson 2 moved me to fjkfjkfjkfjk… and then dfjkdfjkdfjk…. And so it went on through the chapters until I’d covered every key and risen to typing real words, all without looking at my fingers. That’s not exciting, but it is efficient, and over time I learned how to hit every key correctly and type quickly.

Why has this mattered? For me the main gain has been the ease of making notes from books. I did that for years, and still do it now. I’ll lay the book to the left of my laptop, and type what I need without lifting my eyes from the book. That way I never lose my place, or jump a line. Touch typing has been useful too with my professional work. Using information from several sources, I could flip from one to another with near-continuous typing. These days laptops are in use during lectures and business meetings, so a touch typist can keep their focus on the speaker while making notes on their laptop. And there’s a bonus: touch typing impresses everyone around you.

Touch typing is also the fastest way to type since you never have to look for the right key. I watched fellow-journalists, who’d never been taught typing, plonk away with two fingers. Their method was awkward, inaccurate, and very slow compared to a touch typist. The world record typing speed is 225 words per minute (wpm), but that was done in 2005 on a simplified keyboard. Normal speeds are much less, mostly not much above 40 wpm. But I’ve watched a friend touch type at about twice that speed, and it was awesome. Typing exams, I should add, take account of errors, and not many of those are allowed.

There is just one way you can go spectacularly wrong while touch typing: fail to place your index fingers on the home keys. Suppose I want to write about touch typing that “it’s really useful” but accidentally put my fingers one place to the right of where they should be. Then, instead of “it’s really useful” I’ll have typed “oy#d trs;;u idrgi;”. No spell-checker can fix that. Fortunately, even a moderately good touch typist senses quickly if they’re pressing the wrong keys, so drastic errors are rare.

Learn to touch type. It’s so worth the effort.[1]

Spelling  One of my former colleagues was a graduate of great ability with a sparkling personality, but I had to ban her from making PowerPoint presentations unless others had proofread her work. Her spelling wasn’t just bad; it was awful. Her mistakes diminished what people thought of her and how they viewed our organisation. I suspect she’d never been taught spelling. It was very different for me. Almost every day through my early school years my class learned the right way to spell words. Later in life, I developed the habit of checking any word when I was uncertain about its spelling.[2] Therefore I’ve never been embarrassed by writing wierd instead of weird, or biassed instead of biased, or independant instead of independent, or useage instead of usage.[3] Don’t rely on a spell-checker. Learn to spell!

Writing an essay, exam answer, or report (or any other short paper)  One of the questions in my final high school English exam was: Write an essay on the advantages or disadvantages of being a ‘lone wolf’. I had never thought about that subject, but, quite quickly, I decided I could write something sensible on the ‘advantages’ side. I started by describing the pluses of being free to make your own choices, and then idea after idea flowed. For those final English exams I got an A. Writing has simply never been a problem for me.

I recognise that’s not true for everyone, and for some who have struggled – barely able to put down even a few sentences – I’ve encouraged them to question their subject using Who? What? Why? Where? When? and How?  So, with my ‘lone wolf’ essay question, I could have asked myself: What kind of person has advantages? When is being on your own helpful? Where am I when I find it useful? How does being alone leave me feeling? Responding to those questions would have given me my essay. At any time of life, we may find we’re expected to write a short paper or report – it could be a complaint to the council about its services. You could use the 5 Ws and an H to structure your letter. Or you may prefer another technique. Whatever your method, develop the skill of writing something sensible. It’s a great help.

Giving a short talk  I spent almost all my working life delivering sermons, lectures, talks and presentations to audiences ranging from half a dozen to hundreds, and occasionally to thousands. I don’t find making speeches difficult. But many do. My Dad hated it. If he had to say a prayer in church, or give a short address to a group of golfers, Dad went through deep pain trying to get the words together. He’d write draft after draft, and then spend hours trying to learn every word. He could have benefitted from using the 5 Ws and an H method, or just noting down three or four key headings, and adding a few sentences under each heading. That would have given him a ten minute talk. That’s usually enough because, if there’s one golden rule for public speaking, it’s this: when you’ve said everything that needs saying, stop. Hardly anyone complains about a short talk!

Basic DIY skills  The first flat I owned was tiny. It had just two rooms, and was two floors up in an Edinburgh tenement. It was very cheap to buy, mainly because it had been built in Victorian times and the only improvement ever made was installing electricity. But to speak of ‘installing electricity’ is to flatter someone’s dangerous work of attaching a slack electric cable about three feet high along the walls. As well as hanging loose, that cable ran across the edge of a sink and over the front of a cast-iron range.[4] It was a fire hazard and a deathtrap. I hired professionals to deal with the electrics, because one vital skill about DIY is knowing when something is not a do-it-yourself job.

But I did learn how to do lots of small jobs around that flat. In the main room I stripped off all the wallpaper – not one layer, or two layers, or five layers, but at least seven layers plus another two layers of the original Victorian brown varnished wallpaper. Those last layers were impervious to water, so there was no way to soften and then peel off the paper. Over several months I chipped away at that varnished wallpaper inch by inch. Eventually I uncovered the wall underneath. It had innumerable dents and holes, especially where the old plaster had come loose. They were bad enough that fresh paint or wallpaper could never hide the imperfections. I had to fill them. By experimentation I learned how to remove loose plaster, mix filler to the right consistency, fill the hole, let it set, and sand it down. Then repeat the final stages several times, until the wall was so smooth I could shut my eyes and run my fingers over the area without feeling that there had ever been a hole there.

Having mastered filling holes in the walls, I graduated to making holes in the walls so I could hang pictures, bathroom cabinets, towel holders, toilet roll holders, shelves, kitchen utensil racks, coat hooks. I had bought a simple drill, and worked out how to make the right sized hole for a wall plug and screw. At first, that didn’t always go well. Sometimes I made the hole too large; sometimes the fragile wall-plaster crumbled. Either of those necessitated filler, and a more careful second attempt. Over time I learned how to succeed. And have done so many, many times since. In our family home, we’ve had all manner of things fixed to walls, and in garden sheds I’ve hung spades, forks, hoes, rakes, shears and the like. These days I have a much better drill, which, when not in use sits in its box up high on a shelf I fixed to the wall. Of course it does.

Learning from mistakes  Maybe this is the most important skill of all. There’s a truism that those who don’t learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them. Which also means they never become skilled.

In our small flat, I was a novice with home decorating, but a novice with big ambition. I decided to paint every bit of woodwork in that small flat. I had initial success painting the front door, but then two disasters. One was using dark purple paint on the entrance hall roof. Purple was an odd and very bad choice. But I’d read that using dark colours made a high roof seem lower. Maybe it did, but unfortunately purple also made that hall look garish, perhaps more like the entrance to an establishment where the rooms are rented by the hour. (Not that I would know about such establishments.) We hated that dreadful purple. It goes against my Scottish instincts to dispose of a paint tin still half full, but I made an exception with that purple paint.

That was not my only decorating disaster. Using white gloss, I painted all the woodwork in the bedroom. Even though I say so myself, I did a fine job. But, when I stepped back to admire my painting prowess, I noticed the floor was very dusty. I picked up my broom and swept everywhere. That was a bad – very bad – mistake. Dust flew up in the air, and every speck and every fleck stuck to the wet paint. I nearly wept. My beautiful painted woodwork was either spotty or hairy, neither of those a good look for the bedroom or, indeed, for anywhere. All I could do was wait 24 hours for the paint to dry, sand the woodwork smooth, and paint it all a second time. I never repeated my sweeping-the-floor-after-painting mistake. There’s a saying, ‘you live and learn’, but that is not guaranteed. Some never learn. Thankfully I did. It’s an important skill to recognise your mistakes and learn from them.

So, I suggest it’s very worthwhile to learn touch typing, spelling, essay or report writing, giving a talk, basic DIY, and, as far as possible, never to repeat your mistakes. That’s not even half of my valuable skills list, so I’ll continue with other important skills next time. Meanwhile, start learning to touch type – use eight fingers for the keys, and your right thumb for the space bar, making sure your index fingers start from the f and j home keys – and you’re off!

[1] The book I used when learning touch typing has gone through several editions. As far as I know it’s no longer in print, but several of its editions can be found via Amazon or used book suppliers like Abe Books or World of Books. Search for Gregg Typing First Course.

[2] In writing this paragraph, I checked which was right: proof reader; proof-reader; proofreader. None are wrong, but the most modern usage is to use just the one word, proofreader, which I have done.

[3] You can find a helpful list of common spelling errors (British English spellings) here: https://global.oup.com/booksites/content/0199296251/essentials/commonspellingerrors/

[4] If you have no idea what a Victorian range was, there’s a couple of good images here: https://mrvictorian.co.uk/2021/02/16/cast-iron-range/

When less is more and more is less

I sat opposite ten sober-faced interviewers who would decide whether I should be the next minister for their church. They asked their questions; I answered as best I could. Remarkably that committee recommended me for appointment. Why was that remarkable? Because they probably didn’t hear most of what I said. Earlier that day I’d developed a serious throat infection, and almost lost my voice. My answers to that committee were a near-inaudible whisper.

Perhaps they did hear a little and they liked that. And perhaps they never heard the rest, which they might not have liked. It turned out that less was more, and more would have been less.

Less is more and more is less in many areas of life. Below are six examples to explain my point.

When saying more might complicate matters

Near the end of an important hearing in front of a government body, I was about to speak again when I was dug sharply in the ribs by the lawyer alongside me. “Don’t say another word!” he whispered. The ruling was going in our favour, and the lawyer knew I might add information that could cause hesitation. I shut up. Minutes later the verdict we wanted was announced, and the meeting ended. “No-one ever objects to what you don’t say,” the lawyer told me later.

That is not a licence to omit vital information; just advice not to add anything unnecessary. Less is more.

When staying longer might be unhelpful

I’ve been a hospital patient several times because of back problems. I enjoyed getting visitors, but often did not enjoy how long they stayed. More than one must have imagined that, since I was going nowhere, their company through most of an afternoon would cheer me up. It didn’t. Instead, those visitors wore me out. Once they’d stayed more than an hour, I learned to plead that I needed to sleep. Yet, all too often, as one long-staying visitor left, another would arrive. Visiting times did not improve my health. More time visiting was definitely less benefit.

The same would be true when visiting the elderly, or interrupting someone’s busy day. For many years I worked from home, and Arthur, who lived nearby, would call at the door, saying “I’ve nothing else to do this morning, so thought I’d chat with you”. Arthur was a good man, but his casual visits were not helpful. Less, not more, would have been better.

When talking longer might reveal ignorance

From time to time I would let someone else preach. But I wasn’t always wise about my choice of speaker. With some, the congregation’s interest was over ages before the sermon was over. The problem with others was that they preached beyond their knowledge, by which I mean their theological knowledge. Martin would start well into his subject, make some good points, but then progress to ideas for which he had no foundation. Listening from the pews, I’d start praying that Martin would not drift into outright heresy. Thankfully, he’d usually stop just short of a complete distortion of the Bible’s teaching. But the lesson for me was ‘Don’t ask people to do what they’re not capable or competent to do’. Martin needed to speak only on the safest of subjects, and even then impart less rather than more of his own thinking.

When talking more reduces impact

One of the bloodiest battles of the American Civil War was at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, in July 1863. On November 19th, on the site of the battle, an official dedication ceremony took place at the Soldiers National Cemetery.[1] The main speaker was President Abraham Lincoln, and his speech is widely regarded as one of the most influential in American history. He began this way: “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.” [2]

From beginning to end Lincoln focused his listeners on what really mattered. But from that beginning to its end his speech was only two minutes. It consisted of just 272 words. Every phrase, though, was moving and significant. Another speaker addressed the crowd for two hours. Which speech was remembered? Which speech had more influence? Less really can have more impact.

When writing less might get an article or letter read

Britain’s World War II Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, frequently pleaded for “short-windedness”. In a written appeal to Cabinet colleagues he demanded “brevity”. That note had only 60 words. He complained that “Cabinet Minutes are much too long” and should concentrate only on decisions. He called “Whitehall jargon a waste of time”.[3]

A war-time leader like Churchill simply did not have time to read lengthy reports. That’s true for many today. People I know are so put off by a long article they don’t read it at all. My friend edited our church magazine, and consistently reproduced the entirety of lengthy letters from missionaries. Most church members never read them because paragraph after paragraph of text was off-putting. But the editor kept reproducing those letters, convinced every word from a missionary was valuable. Those letters were valuable, but valueless to those who wouldn’t read them.

When you’re writing a love letter, make it as long as you like. In most other cases, writing less, concentrating only on key points, is much more appreciated.

When eating less might be healthier

The National Library of Medicine advises that, on average, a woman will maintain her weight eating 2000 calories a day, and lose weight eating 1500 or less a day. For a man, the equivalent figures are 2500 and 2000.[4] Sticking to that allowance was impossible when I ate out at a steakhouse where several main dishes would each give me over 3000 calories. If I’d added a dessert and a speciality coffee, I could have gained over 4500 calories from just one meal. Would that meal have left me feeling content? More likely, I’d have been seriously uncomfortable and not slept well.

I don’t mean to rant about diet, only to make the point that excess in almost anything is neither healthy nor rewarding. Some have said the 11th Commandment should be ‘Thou shalt have balance’, but that can be as difficult as the first 10 commandments.

Having written this much about less is more, there’s only one thing to do. Stop.

[1] Now called the Gettysburg National Cemetery.

[2] The most accepted version of the whole speech can be read here: https://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/gettysburg.htm

[3] These examples and more can be found at: https://blog.nationalarchives.gov.uk/churchills-call-for-brevity/

[4] This and much more fascinating information about caloric intake available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499909/#

What I wish I’d known when I was 13

Experience is something young people can’t have. It’s impossible to teach, learn from a book, or borrow from another person. Experience – good or bad – is what we discover during life’s journey. And, if there’s an advantage from being older, you’ve a lot of experience.

My mind started thinking about that after I came across a photo of me when I was 13. It was a semi-official picture taken at school, probably to have a photo of me in my file. I know exactly when the photo was taken because there’s a poppy in my lapel, which was the custom around the time of Remembrance Day each November.[1]

I look young, and untroubled by issues that concern adults. However, I began to wonder what my 13-year-old self would like to have known but didn’t. Were there things it would have been good for me to understand at age 13?

I’d like to have known that one day I’d have a girlfriend

I’m starting here because girls are exactly what this 13-year-old boy was bothered about. Girls were no longer a nuisance. In fact, they had become rather interesting.

But, at 13, and with only a brother, girls were a mystery to me. How could you know if a girl liked you, and what should you say to her? If only everyone was fitted with a light and when two were attracted to each other their lights would go on. But we hadn’t been fitted with lights, and the mystery remained for a few more years.

By my later teens, though, I had a wide circle of friends, and my breakthrough realisation was that getting close to a girl was less about attraction, and more about being interested in each other, about really getting to know someone, enjoying being together, sharing ideas and plans. Then, one Sunday evening, I found myself walking up a road in Edinburgh chatting to a girl who was more interesting than anyone else. Decades later, now with children and grandchildren, Alison is still more interesting than anyone else.

The 13-year-old me would have been so much more at peace if only I’d known that would happen.

I’d like to have had a career goal

Some know the work they want to do from an early age. Perhaps their ambition is to be a ballerina, an international footballer, win a Formula One championship, do research that wins a Nobel Peace Prize, invent world-changing technology, write block-buster novels. They’re good thoughts, but most will disappear when faced with massive challenges. Some, however, will dedicate themselves to a particular career path, and get there. They’ll be great doctors, top scientists, own a profitable business, or become a member of Parliament.

But I had no idea what I would do for a career. When I was eight or nine I thought I’d like to be a bus driver, or become an Automobile Association patrolman who rode around on an old style yellow motorcycle with sidecar looking for members whose cars needed rescue.[2] But these were just a child’s idle dreams, not serious career goals.

At 13 I had no idea what work I might do. However, when I was 15, my school ran a careers evening with spokespeople describing their work. One was a police officer, and he highlighted all the different specialities that existed within policing. The wide range of options appealed to me, so later I read up about police service. Then I found a problem. In those days the minimum height for men to enter the police force was 5’8”, and in my area even higher at 5’10”. I didn’t think I’d reach either of those heights, so abandoned that plan.[3] When I was 16 I began to think about leaving school,[4] but had no idea still about a career.

I’ve mixed feelings now about that lack of a sense of direction. A career goal would have motivated me about my school work, and reassured me about where my life was headed. Yet, without a particular goal, I was open to any possibility, and that may have been helpful. In the end I began in journalism, became a church minister, then led a large international mission agency, and finished by being President of a seminary in the USA. I changed my work (not just my employer) several times, something that is now considered normal. I was ahead of my time.

So, though I wish I’d had a career goal, the lack of one did me no harm. I was flexible, and accepted change when it presented itself.

It would have helped if I’d had confidence in my own abilities

When I was 13 I was moderately good at rugby. I could tackle, catch and pass the ball, and kick it well too. I was also good at cricket, not so much as a batter but as a bowler and fielder. Somehow I could flip my wrist to make the ball break sharply left, completely confusing batters as the ball zipped past and hit their wickets. And, because I had fast reactions and virtually never dropped a catch, I relished every chance to be a slip fielder.

But sport was simply enjoyable. It was a pastime, not a passion nor a career goal. What was supposed to matter to me aged 13 was my academic work. But, in that area, I had every reason to be modest with my expectations. My teachers were equally modest in their expectations of me. When I was 13 the set curriculum I had to study covered a wide range of subjects, including physics, chemistry, biology and Latin. When I was 14 I was allowed to narrow my schedule. I dropped all the sciences and Latin with the approval and relief of my teachers. After another year I was due to take national exams. My teachers wouldn’t present me for the German exam since I was bound to fail. And fail was exactly all I achieved in three subjects, French, Maths, and Arithmetic. My only successes were in English and history, and I passed those at a higher level the following year.

But, with that track record, I had no confidence in my abilities. I never imagined I could be admitted to university, and no-one ever suggested I should try. In fact a career advisor advised me to start work in a department store sweeping the floors, and perhaps I could work my way up to being a store manager. I swept that idea aside, but he was not the only one with low expectations of me in those early to mid teen years.

For a while that was discouraging and unhelpful. Yet, looking back, it may have triggered a desire to prove them all wrong. Which was probably the best response.

I wish I’d understood that not all people are good

I grew up in a loving family unit with two parents and a brother. Nearby were aunts, uncles, and cousins we saw regularly. Our town was relatively crime free, big enough to have shops for everyday needs but small enough that traffic jams were unknown. I walked or cycled to school, came home for lunch, and, when daylight allowed, spent evenings playing football or cricket with friends. During summer holidays from school I’d play golf in the morning and cricket in the afternoon, and when I wanted a change I’d play cricket in the morning and golf in the afternoon. I had a very privileged early life.

The only downside is that it was also a very protected life. When I was 13 almost all I knew of the ills of the world was that I should never go off with a stranger, that a girl in my class had died from a serious illness, and a boy had fallen from his bike in front of a lorry and been killed. But I didn’t know of anyone dying of cancer, anyone getting divorced, anyone without food, anyone committing a major crime. My parents would watch the news on TV, but, as far as I was concerned, bad things happened far away. I had a sheltered existence.

That resulted in an unhelpful innocence, a naivety that everyone is kind and good and no harm can befall you. Of course we must not make children fearful or untrusting. But – as with many things – I wish there had been an age-appropriate way of making me aware that bad things happen in this world.

From my later teens and into my twenties I was a journalist with a national newspaper. That gave me a rude awakening to tragedies and evils. I attended car, rail and plane disasters where mangled bodies were pulled from wreckage. I sat through murder trials, such as the killing of a 15-year-old girl by beating and strangling.[5] It shocked me that one person should so violently and deliberately end another person’s life. There were cases of gang warfare, often drug related. Some politicians were considered corrupt, others attention-seeking. I attended court sessions and local government meetings which were supremely tedious. Some of my colleagues were deep in debt, unfaithful in their marriages, addicted to alcohol, or dying of lung cancer. Of course there were also ‘good news’ stories, but I was used to them from my upbringing. It was the ‘bad news’ that jolted me into a broader understanding of the world.

It would have helped me, certainly by the time I was 13, to have learned something about the harsher sides of life.

I could have known more of how poor most of the world is

My Aunt Milla – whose working life was mostly as a community nurse – rarely spent much on her housing. During two periods she lived in run-down tenements. The first had no toilet facilities inside the building. None at all. Instead there was a small hut out the back which contained a simple toilet. No wash-hand basin, and sometimes no toilet roll, only torn sheets of newspaper which were guaranteed to leave their mark. Day or night, perhaps in pouring rain, the ‘need to go’ was an unpleasant adventure into the outdoors to use the ‘privy’. Milla moved upmarket with her later tenement living. There still was no toilet in the flat, but there was one on the ‘half-landing’ (so named because it was up some steps from the level of flats just below and down some steps from the level of flats above). Since there were two flats on each level, the toilet might be shared by four households. Perhaps queues were avoided only by exploring for ‘vacancies’ at toilets on other half-landings.

These were poor facilities – unhygienic and inconvenient – but were common in many towns and cities, and not just in the UK. We often stayed with my aunt, and therefore used the outhouse or half-landing toilets many times. At home we had indoor plumbing, but I knew many lived with facilities like my aunt, so never thought of her situation as poor or bad. When I was 13, I had no idea at all that most of the world lived in very much worse circumstances.

Almost 30 years later I visited remote desert areas of Pakistan, sleeping overnight in tribal villages. Toilet facilities? The far side of the sand dunes. In a mountainside village in Nepal, there was an outhouse for toilet use, but it was no more than a small enclosure around an open hole with charcoal six feet below to (unsuccessfully) deaden the stench. In a remote Congo village I thought that children were wearing dirty and torn t-shirts as play clothes, then realised those t-shirts were their only clothes. There I also met a mother with seriously malnourished children, hoping for help from medical missionaries. I saw many small houses with damaged roofs. I was told: “There’s no longer anyone skilled in repairing roofs. When people don’t have money to buy food, no-one pays to have their roof repaired.”

I could multiply these stories, but won’t. The hard truth is that a large part of the world’s population live in poverty. I never knew that when I was 13. As children grow up, and gradually decide on lifestyle and career priorities, shouldn’t those priorities take account of world need? In affluent countries, we shelter children from harsh realities. That’s understandable, but should they not know billions are less well off, and their needs may matter more than our comfort?

I wish I’d known what I needed to do for God to become real in my life

God was never absent from my life (nor is he from anyone’s), but when I was 13 I didn’t relate much to God other than with some prayers. My mother told me several times that she made a special commitment to God when she was 13. That commitment coloured everything she did, and a lot of her time went on supporting church activities and helping neighbours. So, when I became 13, I imagined something might happen in my life to make me a Christian like her. Nothing did, and as the next few years passed I wondered if it ever would.

What I’d failed to realise is that I had a responsibility to reach out to God. I was waiting for God to invade me while, in a sense, he was waiting to be invited. That did all change when I was 18, and I’ve written about that before (https://occasionallywise.com/2021/02/20/serious-business/).

It wasn’t that I was ignorant about the Christian message. I just needed to respond to it. Thankfully I was only five years beyond 13 in doing so. But, if I’d known sooner, my life would have changed much earlier.

–

Writing this blog post about what I wished I’d known when I was 13 has kept generating more thoughts than I’ve recorded here. Perhaps I’ll set them down another time. And one day I may also write things I’m glad I did know when I was 13. That seems just as important a subject.

I’d encourage you to think what you wish you’d known when you were younger, and what you’re glad you did know. You might be surprised about your conclusions.

[1] Fighting in World War I ceased at the 11th hour of the 11th month in 1918, commemorated annually throughout Commonwealth countries ever since. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remembrance_Day

[2] There’s a good photo of an AA motorcycle and sidecar here: https://www.theaa.com/breakdown-cover/our-heritage-vehicles

[3] Actually I did reach 5’8” but my interests by then lay elsewhere.

[4] In Scotland, the school leaving age was raised to 14 in 1901, and though from the 1940s there were plans to make the minimum age 15 that was never made law. The minimum age was set at 16 in 1973.

[5] The case set a new legal precedent because the accused was identified by having left unique bite marks on his victim’s body. See https://www.dentaltown.com/magazine/article/7528/the-biggar-murder-some-personal-recollections

Christmas shreddings

It was mid-afternoon on Christmas Eve, and I was alone in the large office building where I was General Director. Every staff member had left already, but I’d stayed late to clear my in-tray before the holiday break. And now I was on my knees.

I’d realised some documents had to be shredded. That was straightforward. We had a large capacity shredder which I’d used many times. I switched it on, and dropped a few sheets into the slot. The shredder immediately cut out. I tried again, and again it stopped. I noticed a small light had illuminated – apparently the bag which caught the shreddings was full. Really? That shouldn’t happen, but someone had wanted a quick exit and cleared off without replacing the shredder bag.

But all I had to do was switch the full bag with an empty bag. Easy. Well, easy if you know where the replacement bags are kept. Which I didn’t. I searched every cupboard within any sensible distance from the shredder. No bags. I moved my search further out, and finally, 20 minutes after starting, I found a roll of large black bags. I pulled one from the roll, opened up the shredder, dragged out the vastly over-filled bag, attached the new one, inserted my documents and they were instantly annihilated. All was well.

All was not well because it’s impossible to slide clear an overfull bag of shreddings without spilling some of its contents. Tiny slivers of paper were scattered across the office carpet. If I left them there the cleaners would be unjustly blamed for not doing their job. So a new search began, this time for a vacuum cleaner or brush to sweep up the shreddings. I knew the cupboard where such things were kept, pulled on the door, but those cleaners guarded their equipment carefully. The cupboard was locked. Though I had many keys to the building, no-one had thought I’d ever need one for the brooms and brushes cupboard. Back I went to the shredder. Mary Poppins had not passed through and made all the shreddings disappear. The paper shards were still all over the carpet.

So I got down on my knees, and, with no way to sweep those pieces of paper into a pile, began the laborious, wearying job of picking them up one by one. That took at least 15 minutes. At some point I heard myself say, ‘On Christmas Eve, what other CEO is on his knees picking up pieces of shredded paper?’ Not many. Probably not any.

But that task brought home an important lesson:

Never think yourself too important to do the humblest of tasks

As I’ve thought about Christmas, I realised that down through the years the Christmas season has taught me many simple lessons like that one.

An early childhood memory was that my Dad went to work for half of Christmas Day. His occupation was on the administration side of the Post Office, and with mail being moved around and house deliveries made even on that day, someone had to be at the main office making sure everything went smoothly. That person was my Dad.

To wholly understand why he and many others in Scotland worked on Christmas Day you need some background details:

  • Until the Reformation happened in Scotland – in 1560 – Christmas was a recognised religious feast day of the Roman Catholic Church. But when Presbyterianism became dominant, gradually most Catholic festivals disappeared. That included Christmas, and an Act was passed in the Scottish Parliament in 1640 making any observance of Christmas illegal.
  • The mid-winter celebrations became transferred to New Year’s Eve – known in Scotland as Hogmanay. That change caused no problem for the religious authorities because Hogmanay was a secular event.
  • So, right into the second half of the 20th century Christmas Day was another working day in Scotland. Hence my father went to his office.

Of course, over many years the traditions from down south in England had crept north, and once television had spread and religious fervour diminished, Scots were also celebrating Christmas with trees, lights, presents and parties. Nevertheless, it was only in 1958 that Christmas Day was designated a public holiday in Scotland. (Did that diminish the celebrations of Hogmanay? Absolutely not! Canny Scots just chose to revel at Christmas and New Year, and often to do so with more enthusiasm than wisdom.)

However, remembering that my Dad went off to work on Christmas morning, there is another lesson:

Many people – especially in emergency or caring professions – have to work on Christmas Day, and for that we should be grateful.

Like most small children, my brother Alan and I were always up early on Christmas Day, running through to the room where we’d hung stockings by the fireplace, to see what presents we’d got. There was never much in those long socks – an apple, an orange and perhaps a bar of chocolate and tiny toy car. But we were fortunate because there was more for us. We gazed in awe at the nicely wrapped larger presents laid on the floor.

I never wasted a moment, ripping open the Christmas paper to find the toys or games or clothes inside those boxes. The clothes never excited me, but the games and toys did, and I’d have them all out and be playing with them in very little time.

But my brother Alan had a different temperament, and took great care about opening his presents. He’d examine each parcel, undo the paper neatly, be excited about the contents, and then extract the toy and play with it. All before moving on to his next gift.

His meticulous process meant I was finished and done with my presents when Alan had only just started. I had to watch while he moved through his gifts one at a time. Some years I complained to my Mum that Alan clearly had more presents than I did. She assured me he didn’t. He just enjoyed each one fully before moving to the next.

So, another lesson:

There’s a lot to be said for what is now called ‘delayed (or deferred) gratification’, because many things are better by not being rushed.[1]

I grew up in a home where green vegetables were not a major part of the diet. My Dad grew peas, cabbages and cauliflowers along with root crops and fruit. But we didn’t eat ‘greens’ in any quantity. My Aunt Milla – a nurse who should have maximised health benefits – would put a tiny spoonful of peas alongside meat and potatoes ‘for decoration’.

But, on Christmas Day, we were always given a generous portion of what we called ‘Brussel sprouts’, though the first word probably should be pluralised because of the vegetables’ origin. What are Brussel sprouts? Let me tell you:

  • The Brussels sprout is a member of the Gemmifera cultivar group of cabbages (Brassica oleracea), grown for its edible buds. The leaf vegetables are typically 1.5–4.0 cm (0.6–1.6 in) in diameter and resemble miniature cabbages. The Brussels sprout has long been popular in Brussels, Belgium, from which it gained its name.[2]

I did not enjoy eating those edible buds of a cabbage. I simply didn’t like their taste. Some people don’t like broccoli[3], and I didn’t like Brussel sprouts.

But what was put on my plate had to be eaten. The usual warning was: ‘If you don’t eat your sprouts, you won’t get any dessert’. And since dessert was Christmas pudding, perhaps with cream, the blackmail to swallow those sprouts worked.

I must add that age has improved my taste. My willingness to eat Brussel sprouts gradually moved into the positive column. They are actually very good. But, in my early years, I ate them only because I had to.

So there is another lesson here:

We all have to do things we don’t like or want – that’s life.

Christmas has one form of annoying and unnecessary delayed gratification. It concerns the toy or appliance that won’t work without batteries, but no-one thought to buy them. When I was about seven I got one of those presents – a toy that was exactly what I wanted – but no batteries came with it and there were none in the house. My frustration was expressed loudly. So loudly my Dad set off on foot to find any shop open, but the few doing business didn’t sell batteries. I suffered (but not in silence) for about 24 hours, by which time batteries had been bought.

These days batteries are often packaged with the product, which helps avoid a Christmas crisis. But it’s not good to assume they’ll be included. Nor is it good to buy gloves that fit your hands but not the hands of the person receiving the gift. Or wrong-sized boots. Or a sweater with a dazzling design the recipient will hate. Or a tool they don’t need or want. Or music they’ll never play. Or a ‘Cooking for Beginners’ book for someone who already considers him or herself an expert. Or a dog for someone who likes cats. I even know a case where a few well-off individuals bought a CEO who was retiring a brand new SUV to replace the car he’d driven for years. The gift was amazingly generous, except the retiree whispered to me, ‘The problem is I really, really like my old car. I didn’t want a new car.’

The lesson, then, is this:

When buying presents, do your research and plan ahead.

When we lived in America we adjusted to the custom of eating turkey at Thanksgiving. In the UK turkey is the traditional meal at Christmas. Sometimes we’d travel back to the UK to spend Christmas with family, so we overate with US turkey in late November and overate with UK turkey in late December. Just as well we like turkey.

Many years before, when we lived in north east Scotland, our good friends Malcolm and Tina decided that they would buy us a turkey every Christmas. The only problem was that they never said explicitly that they’d give us a turkey every Christmas. Initially we thought they’d gift us a turkey once or twice, and then move on to give turkeys to other friends. But their turkey-at-Christmas kindness didn’t stop. A few days before each Christmas they’d call round with a turkey.

Then the year came when they didn’t. Not on December 20, or 21, or 22, or 23. By then we’d realised no turkey would be arriving. Alison, happily, had put some turkey in our freezer, so we wouldn’t fail to have our traditional meal. The 24th – Christmas Eve – dawned and Alison and I spent a hectic day preparing food, organising presents, putting final decorations in place, and, as pastor of a large church, I had events to prepare for and attend. In the evening I joined a group singing carols in a local hospital, hurried home and then went out again to lead and preach at our Watchnight Service which started at 11.15 pm and continued into a celebration of Christ’s birth at midnight. Around 12.30 am I headed home. Thankfully the children were all in bed and asleep. Alison was busy preparing various parts of our Christmas Day meal. I hadn’t had a moment to wrap presents, so I settled down to that task. Given my significant lack of expertise, gift wrapping was not a quick process. I finished around 3.00 am. Alison was still occupied in the kitchen, and I had a few more things to do before I could go to bed. At 3.30 am we heard a van arrive in our driveway, our doorbell rang, and it was our friend Malcolm with our turkey. Apparently we were his final delivery and he’d made us last because, as he said: ‘I knew you wouldn’t be in your beds yet!’ No, we weren’t. But it was 3.30 on Christmas morning!! More than a little on the late side to be delivering a turkey for that day’s meal. But we were very grateful, not just for the turkey but for friends like Malcolm and Tina.

So, this time two lessons:

Be generous and kind to all this Christmas.

But, if you can, don’t deliver turkeys at 3.30 in the morning.

________

This message is posted on Christmas Eve, and comes with my sincere hope that you are able to enjoy a happy Christmas, appreciating the wonderful truth that God sent his Son into this world. And, if possible, I long that you will have good food and friendship to enjoy.

This particular year (2022) the news is filled with stories of severely cold weather across much of the USA and Canada, and of power cuts imposed on the people of Ukraine resulting in much suffering from the cold and shortages throughout this winter. Many others in our world also struggle, so please keep them in your thoughts and prayers, and, if you can, provide support for those in such great need. May 2023 bring many good days for which you can be thankful.

[1] In the UK there is a magazine called Delayed Gratification, which covers news which is moving out of the headlines. Its slogan is ‘last to breaking news’. https://www.slow-journalism.com/

[2] From Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brussels_sprout

[3] Including some US Presidents: https://today.yougov.com/topics/politics/articles-reports/2013/07/13/presidential-broccoli-debate